Hanna,

Hanna lähti sillä aikaa kun olin Saksassa. On tuntunut tosi vaikeelta sisäistää se nyt tänne takas tullessa. Hanna oli aina se kenelle soitin ja ketä tuli istumaan aurinkoon mun kanssa. Kenen kanssa kävin ulkona. Kenen kanssa juttelin kaikesta.

Kirjoitin eilen mailia hänelle:

"Hey love,

I have this strange depression going on. I miss you all the time here and I didn't think it would be so hard to get used to some people going. I mean some people left and I spent a lot of time with them too, but it didn't feel so bad. Now you are gone and everyday there is something I would want to call you about or ask you to do with me. And it doesn't help that everyone has something else to do this weekend. Thank god I got Eeva to go dancing with me tonight..

Padova, I can't really say what it is right now. It's strange because I don't see familiar people around me anymore. There's lacking so much and it feels somewhat empty to me. Many people somehow ignore me... like yesterday I was talking to Tatjana (slovakian girl) and then someone new asks me "oh you're finnish" "yes" "can you take a picture of us" (as in me taking the picture of other people).. funny how personally I can take such ordinary situation if I'm feeling bad myself. I'll get over it eventually. Just so much stress right now. And even though I sound depressed right now, don't worry about me. It's just again my process on getting over these holes which people leave around me when they go. I guess it's good too.. good preparation for going home and a sign on that I care alot.

I missssss you soooooo much! I will dance Blink182 for you, drink a spritz with you and hug some strangers in the street for you :) I wish you were here!

BACIONE!"

Olen ollut niin väsynyt viimeiset 15 päivää matkustamisesta, sotkuista, unenpuutteesta ja niin monista tapahtumista, että huomasin tänään kuinka paljon mulla oikeastaan on ja on ollut. On ihana huomata ajoittain kuinka onnellinen on hassusti huomaamatta ollutkaan. Soitin Johannekselle kun kävelin pois asemalta ja höpöteltiin hyvän aikaa. Näin Giorgion lounaalla ja oi mulla oli ikävä niitä lounashetkiä kun saan taas heittää hervotonta juttua sen kanssa. Kaiken lisäks pesin farkkuni Piovegon coca-colalla, kun uudet helmet kaato lasin syliin. Päivi lähetti ihanan viestin, että olipa pitkät 10 päivää. Ja lopuks juttelin Peterin kanssa onlinessa pitkästä aikaa (oon aina hymyä kun kuulen siitä pojasta):

Peter: hehe. U know, U r kind of life artist :P (if there is such a word. :P) U used to say that U don't really like Padova and now U wanna stay
Milla: yaaaaj :P someone said it's a real finnish thing. trying and wanting to be happy all the time, which is obviously not possible, but we do it all the time and that's why if something doesn't work we get so sad and easily depressed.
Peter: then I'm finnish in my soul. :)