Dear flatmates,

I've noticed here while staying at the new house that somehow it is really hard for me to adjust to people here. I mean generally in the house. I've given it a lot of thought and tried to figure out what can be done.

At this moment, I really miss the arrangement in Finland. The appartments I've been living (and asked for) are for only two. That means 80% less of people to arrange things with. How to organize cleaning and buying things together. There's always someone who's not happy or who doesn't understand how things actually go. I can blame all my flatmates for not doing things right from the very beginning, but the plain fact is that... I'm not a saint either.

In my ex-house I really got on well with Giada and Marica in the end. They were somewhat like sisters to me. We never really went to a really personal level on things we talked about, but I always knew they'd be there if I needed support. In this new house, I have similar kind of feeling with Giulia. I haven't talked to her half as much just because she's never around. There's weeks when I don't see none of them once, even if they do sleep at home every night. They are gonne in the morning when I wake up and/or already sleep when I come home. Or the other way around (this is much more seldom).

I sure feel much more comfortable in this house and I defenitely do not regret moving here. I like already only the idea of a single room. I don't know if that's cultural or what, but I feel ackward withdrawing from them when they are eating together in the livingroom. When I first came here, I thought the strange tension between was just because of the language (and I still do believe that) and simply the unresolved issues I had with the last house. Just getting used to living in another place took me months. Now I'm living here for the 3rd month and I stll don't somehow have anything to talk about with the other two flatmates around (Camilla and Alessandra). Francesco, who is one of the sweetest guys I've met here, is never around. The time I've been here, he has slept in his room for maybe 4 nights. The rest of the time he is at his girlfriend's house.

Few days ago Camilla asked me (talking very slowly italian) with what do I wash my clothes with as there is no washing liquid left. Apparently I had used whithener or something like that.. I have really little idea. I was grinning at the episode and thinking it was quite funny. I didn't even think it was so important - and then the two girls continued their talk in italian thinking what I had used. Saying nothing to me anymore.

Every time something like this happens, I add up things to the list of why I really don't feel like talking to some people. I don't see the point. It is not like talking italian is easy for me anyways... it's not easy when certain people are around. And don't let me even get started on how difficult joking is with the language. Then they just stare at me when the joke is obvious. It gets me frustrated..

I cannot wait to get to the student appartment arrangements in Finland. HOPING that this luck will not continue and I will actually be blessed with a bearable flatmate. Please.

Nel temporale senza scarpe bellissime,

It is thundering so bad that the car alarms went off in the near-by parking lot. Now our lights went out, so if this text ends somewhat quickly, it's because the dead american-indians (who's cemetery Prato della Valle used to be according to Lorenzo) came after me :)

Do you remember the girl I met in the train while going to Trieste in November to meet Walter? She was studying in Milano but had been studying in Padova as well and she said that she comes here every now and then. I met her about few weeks ago in a club! It was so strange. She went into a complete shock and was just laughing there. Apparently she had also been talking about me just at the same moment. And who says there's no magic :) Or faith or.. whatever you want to call it.

My new roommates are great. Alessandra is home mostly and studying for some exams. She's studying something with politics and is from Bergamo. Really calm and nice. Giulia and Camilla are home only for the nights.. otherwise they stay outside or at study rooms or class. They are best friends and from Verona. Francesco is never here. I don't even know much to tell about him, because according to Alessandra she's also seen him maybe twice within a month. What I know is that he studies engineering.

(1) Giulia and Camilla (they had some kind of fight of wills going on there) (2) My table under the bed while the lights were out. (3) The other end of the room.

Today Alessandra made a promise that she'll just talk italian to me. I've started to get a bit nervious about my italian. I talk so little and I've been here already 6 months now... people keep on mobbing me about it. While I was walking through the city with Katri, I realized that I've always been really slow with languages. I mean, I can have a conversation in italian already, but I always am missing many words and I'm shy to have conversations between more than just one other person. When I was starting to learn english, it took me years to get to the point of writing this good english and speak as fluently as I do now. I started to write a blog also then and then slowly it got better. I took breaks and it took years. Then I started tutoring exchange students, that's when it all got off. Now I can say I can speak it well and I know good english (at least I did before coming here to mess up my whole language system). Anyhow, I decided this changing apartment is also a changing point with the language. More confidence, more practice.

I enjoy living here and I like my room a lot. It's a single room with a loft bed (parvisänky?) and I sleep so well in it. The room is a bit dark, but it doesn't matter. I have my own biig table, lots of storage space, bookshelf space in the living room. We share so much from sugar to spice, from washing powders to soil cleanser. Francesco came to fix the lights.. they just didn't go on after this proper thunderstorm. He's never here and now after 20 mins of going, he came back and first thing in the between the door: "Non ho dimenticato niente!" I didn't forget anything! Then I made baked potatoes for myself and left the room to pick up the phone, going back Giulia had her moment: "mmmm buoni ma poco piccanti" (mmm good but a bit spicy) with a focused look on her face :P

The only thing left worrying me about my ex-house is money. There is a big gas bill coming and I don't know how to pay that if I cannot get the money from the landlord. And it also looks like this change for a better mental health is costing me quite a lot, but we will still see what happens here.

I feel alive and dandy. Even though there's some problems always on the back of my mind haunting me, they don't get to me so much like before. I actually like walking the streets of Padova and I enjoy every ray of sun. I even feel like standing up for lessons in the morning, even though noone cares if I'm there. On Tuesday at the time of the lunch, I realized I smiled without any certain reason just because I could.. and it felt great. I have some kind of a peace of mind stage for a while. Hello, where have you been?

I have been partying with friends who stay and friends who leave in a short period of time.

I've got visits. Tuomo was visiting me for few nights. We went to Venice where the poor fake product sellers were escaping the police (1) and we went to Prato's market (2) and ate chinese (3).

Katri came for a visit and we went sunbathing as the sun was heating with over 20 degrees. Giorgio watching my strange drawings (1), Nicola reading the songs in a cd (2), Katri being cute (3). Otherwise Katri's visit was quite a casino with this moving stuff and all the arrangements. First 3 nights we were couch hopping.

And one lovely day 3 finnish girls and a crazy brit walked through the whole city just to go to Lidl.

Moving out, moving in,

(short version in english below)

// update - äiti sanoi, että allaolevassa tekstissä on paljon aukkoja, joten paikkailin niitä hieman ja yritin saada muutoksesta helpommin ymmärrettävää.

Ei postia enää osoitteeseen Via Montà! Muutin, enkä pysty postittamaan uutta osoitettani kaikille. Laitan sen sähköpostitse kaikille, joiden osoite minulla on, heti kun se on tilanteen puolesta mahdollista!

Yksityiskohtiin. Keskiviikko oli erikoinen päivä. Yhteen päivään voi mahtua niin paljon stressiä ja niin paljon ihania juttuja. Tuomo oli minun luona kylässä parin yön verran (välissä kävi Roomassa ja tuli takaisin pariksi yöksi). Tuomon viimeisenä iltana tultiin kymmenen tienoilla kotiin, hieman hiprakassa aloitettiin katsomaan elokuvaa ja tekemään nopeaa pastaruokaa. Jossain vaiheessa Anna huusi meidän huoneesta, että missä hänen vihreä vilttinsä on. Minulla kun sattuu olemaan samanlainen. Kävin selvittämässä asiaa, joka oli niin että Tuomon lainaama (neidin peitto) oli olohuoneessa selkänojalla (jossa sitä oli myös säilytetty). Hän sitten kovaan ääneen salamoi, että ei toisen peittoa saa ottaa se on intiimiasia. Kumman tästä asiasta tekee se, että minä lainasin hänelle omaa talvipeittoani, jolle olin allerginen. Hän pisti omansa vierashuoneeseen, jossa se oli vieraille käytössä. Nyt tämä peitto oli kadonnut vierashuoneesta, minä en tiedä missä minun peittoni on ja hän alkaa rääkymään peittonsa intiimiydestä. Hieman myöhemmin hän tuli vielä olohuoneeseen, jossa katsottiin Tuomon kanssa elokuvaa ja oltiin juuri syömässä. Hän kävi keittiössä: "Voitteko siivota tuolla. Sitten kun Marica ja Giada tulee kotiin, niin meidän on keskusteltava tästä asiasta, koska tää tilanne on aivan mahdoton!"

Siinä teille maistiaiset neidin logiikasta. Minä en kyllä tajua mistä tilanteesta on kyse. Illalla sitten menin tosi kakoissa fiiliksissä nukkumaan ja heräsin janoon yöllä. En nukkunutkaan sitten sen aamuneljän jälkeen. Tuomo yritti asemalle käveltäessä piristää kovasti ja saikin nauramaan pari kertaa. Sen voimalla ei kuitenkaan eletty hirvittävän pitkälle. Pyöräilin Tuomon lähdettyä Prato della Vallelle selässä reppu, joka sisälsi melkein kaiken mun tärkeimmän. Soitin Päiville, josko tehtäisiin jotain kun tiesin, että hänellä on vapaa päivä. Giulia soitti melkein heti perään ja kysyi missä meennään. Hän oli todella joustava ja ymmärtäväinen. Saisin tuoda tavarani uuteen asuntoon jo saman illan aikana. Siinä vaiheessa kiirettä ei vielä ollut, ajattelin että huomenna sitten. Giulian kanssa puhuttuani jouduin nieleskelemään kyyneleitä koko pyöräilymatkan Päiville. Portaita ylös kulkiessani äiti soitti ja jouduin pitkän hetken yrittämään rauhoittua siinä käytävässä.. liiemmin onnistumatta. Päivin ovelle vihdoin päästyäni en osannut sanoa muuta kuin "oisko sulla paperia". Päivi vaan halasi ja minä sitten itkeä täristelin toisen olkapäätä vasten.

Päivi on vietti koko päivän minun negatiivisen, pessimistisen ja surullisen puoleni kanssa. En pidä itsestäni tällaisena, joka lisää sotkuun vielä lisämausteen. Käytiin lounaan jälkeen pakkaamassa kaikki tavarat. Sain kummallisia väsymyskohtauksia aina välillä, tyttö piti mut henkisesti pystyssä kokoajan ja oli järjen äänenä koko pakkaamisessa. Pakkaamisen jälkeen istuin nettikahvilassa maanpaossa pari tuntia, jonka jälkeen Giorgio tuli juttelemaan omistajanaisen kanssa. Nainen pistikin kovat kortit pöytään, eikä päästänyt niin helpolla tilanteesta, mutta onneksi Giorgio osasi myös hommansa. Siinä on kyllä yksi taivaanlahja. Sanoinkin, että tunnen itseni niin hyödyttömäksi yksin, koska en pysty tekemään mitään kunnolla yksin. Lopuksi vuokraemäntä kysyi vielä lähdenkö siksi, että minulla ja Annalla ei mene yksiin. Sanoin Giorgiolle, että vastaa sen minkä näkee parhaaksi vastata. Hän sanoi, että olin jo aiemmin päättänyt lähteä, mutta tämä riita vauhditti lähtemistä.

Illalla kävin vielä kaupungilla ja kahdeksalta Johannes tuli autolla viemään minun kamoja Päivin kanssa. Ennen yhdeksää olin jo muuttanut. Nyt on jo helpompi olo. Asun olohuoneessa toistaiseksi. Sunnuntaina saan omat avaimet ja ehkä maanantaina pääsen jo omaan huoneeseen. Ollaan Katrin kanssa vähän tuuliajolla tällä hetkellä. Nukuttiin ensimmäinen yö olohuoneen 80cm sängyssä molemmat. Huominen yö päästään Eevan luokse punkkaamaan ja sitä seuraava yö pitäisi vielä kanssa saada jotenkin järjestettyä. Sitten maanantaina toivon, että päästäisiin jo uuteen huoneeseeni, koska minua stressaa jo muutenkin tämä alituinen paikan hankkiminen... tuntuu että olen kokoajan vaikeuttamassa ihmisten elämiä ja tiellä.

Olen sanattoman kiitollinen kaikesta avusta ja tuesta jota olen saanut osakseni täällä. Giorgio on jaksanut joka päivä rauhoitella minua ja puhua puolestani, taistella puolestani. Päivi on pitänyt melkein fyysisestikin pystyssä kokoajan ja jaksanut kuunnella ja auttaa. Giulia ja Camilla olivat molemmat todella joustavia ja ymmärtäväisiä tilanteen suhteen. Johannes jaksoi myös jutella asiasta ja auttaa muutossa auton kanssa. Marica ja Giada pitivät puoliani taistelutantereella neiti A:n kanssa. Sitten on vain muita ihmisiä, jotka ovat piristäneet pelkällä olemassaolollaan.. Tuomo, Fredi, Mauro, Marco... <3

Äiti, isi ja Jussi. Aina siellä<3 Sen tietäminen on jo tarpeeksi.

-

No mail to the old address Via Montà anymore! I moved and I cannot post my new address to everyone. I will write an e-mail to everyone that I have e-mail addresses from, as soon as the situation allows it!

I moved out yesterday due to a situation and a boost to the decision. Packed and moved out and moved in within one day. I'm happier. I'll be even more when this whole process is over with.

I'm lacking words for the gratefulness I have of all the help and support I have got. Giorgio has everyday had the energy to calm me down and talk for me, fight for me. Päivi has almost also physically kept me standing all the time and listened and helped. Giulia and Camilla were both very flexible and understanding about the situation. Johannes was always there to talk to and helping with moving. Marica and Giada. Then there is so many other people who have just made me feel better, just by being there and being interested, caring.. Tuomo, Fredi, Mauro, Marco, Simona, Hanna.. <3

Mom, dad and Jussi. Always there <3 Just knowing that is enough.