Blocks of many kinds,

191007 klo 21:36

Lately I've been in a kind of a block. Block of many kinds... writers block, friend block, internet block, blocked from being healthy, motivation block for learning the language.

I haven't had much to write about. I've been missing home. I still keep comparing everything. What is different. How italians can be so childish or overly dramatic. I think my roommates have also felt insulted because I've said something about the food they've made... I haven't noticed things like a newbie anymore. Or if I have I haven't had the energy to write about them. I've also been blocked from people. I don't feel like I'm connected well to anyone. I'm on hold because of waiting for the internet. I cannot talk properly with my family and friends back home. People here are tired or getting tired of running around in events all the time and so am I. I'm sick which has kept me home already for few days now. I'm still bored all the time, but getting to know people takes so much time and energy. I have time, but no energy.

I feel home here.. now. It's also a two sided feeling. I keep compraring and missing people and feelings I had when I was at home, in Finland. Lately, I've been especially missing family. Going home for the weekend and lying on the lovely white couch of ours. I miss mom's balsamico-chicken and mashed potatoes. I miss the cottage.. THE place to be. But I also keep waking up to the fact that I sometimes forget that I'm abroad. I think it's good.

There's a little situation at the house right now. The girls are kind of blocking me out of all the decision making, so they consult each other and tell me when they've basicly made the decision already. So at the point where they get into an argument or more likely to disagreement, I cannot do much to solve it - since I don't know the facts. I told two girls today that we really need to sit down and talk about everything. The turns in cleaning, buying stuff and so on. And we need to do it in english, so I can be a part of the discussion too. I cannot tell my opinion, disagree or agree if I don't know what's going on.

Sometimes I feel blocked of having someone to talk to. That has two things included.. no internet and having hard time learning the language. I keep having hard time starting to talk italian. I'm such a perfectionist and I don't want to say something if I'm not completely sure. Everyone else seems do fine in that I get just more frustrated. But I try. I try so much... and if someone dares to tell me to try more, I swear I will bunch them.

At the same time I keep challenging people. I see they are tired and I challenge them. Very seldom I can be in a superficial friendship. I want to see who are ready to bear with me. Yes, but they are tired.