Feel the heat,

I don't remember where I bike from, but I know ahead is only home. Every block wants a different sense. (ears) Birds singing loud, dogs barking at each other, sprinkler watering the grass, (nose) different flowers smelling one by one, (eye) water glaring in front of the sun, man picking up a flower and giving it to an older lady.

Sometimes it's full harmony to be alone. To bike alone. In your block of smells, sights and sounds. Don't mix them, when they are alone. The wind stroke my hair as the asfalt was running under the two wheels.

Only one combination of everything follows me home. A big house is colored grey. Its yard is a mixture of beton, dryed grass and mud. The dark greenish wooden curtains are almost down. The dynamy comes of its sound. Loud classical music dancing to my ears as I turn my look towards home again.

This street takes 2 minutes and it's the best part of the day.

I miss order,

I can't wait to enter my new home in Vantaa. I can't wait to have Kimmo as my neighbour. To feel myself useful again. To study.. for real and to study in finnish. To sit in the auditorio listening to some uninteresting (though preferably interesting) lecturer in finnish. To make food with friends. To decorate my new room and actually have some use for the living room. To lie on my own couch again. To watch finnish tv! To have some sense in this life. To have a rhythm in my life. To eat finnish goods like rye bread with voimariini, smoked salmon, raejuusto, fazer sweets, Estrella Manhattan chips.. To bake something for real. To enjoy the gorgeous night life of Helsinki. And, to see all of you.

What I however will miss here (one of the things):

The weather.

There is only one moment which I'm not looking forward to. The actual leaving. Getting on the bus, seeing Padova for the last time, saying good bye to the few left, standing in the middle of the airport all alone and realizing that this was it.

Glitter on my cheeks,

"Stai meglio?"
I nod.
"Sono qui più vicino."

Flight booked,

It's official. On 28th of July I'm leaving this country for undefined period of time.

Olen ehkä rakastunut!

Olen käynyt tässä samaisessa internet kahvilassa, joka on siis vähän kaikkea yhdessä. Baari, kahvila, opiskeluaula, hengailupaikka, kokoontumispaikka.. Vietän täällä melkein kaikki päiväni yrittäen opiskella. Syön, vietän aikaa, katson konsertteja ja jalkapallomatseja, opiskelen...

Parhaita ovat vanhempi nainen ja mies, jotka yleensä pitävät puljua pystyssä. Äsken mies kävi pistämässä erilaista musiikkia päälle. Naureskelin puoliääneen kun kauittimista alkoi tulla Fullmontyn "You can leave your hat on". Mies menee baarin taakse ja ennen kun alkaa raaputtamaan pikkugrilliä, nostaa kädet ilmaan ja keikuttaa lanteitaan hymisemiseni johdosta :) Eilen kun hän haki Tiramisù-kulhoni pois, kääntyi puoleen ja kuiskasi: "Minä menen nyt ulos tupakalle, sinä olet paikan rouva!" :)

Jos olen ehtinyt paikalle ennen heitä, molemmat vilkuttavat minulle tullessaan. Joskus tarjoavat kakkua, popcornia tai kahvia :) Sanoin joitain päiviä sitten Mattille, että tunnen oloni niin kotoisaksi täällä. Ihan kuin kuuluisin perheeseen. Ja jotkut vielä ihmettelevät miksi ramppaan täällä päivä toisensa jälkeen.

Olen miettinyt monesti ääneen miten tämä kahvila voi tuottaa yhtään mitään. Ihmiset tulevat tänne tilaamatta mitään. Wireless on ilmaista. Eikä kahvilakaan ole mikään rupuinen ja tilaa löytyy. Matt arveli, että työntekijät ovat vapaaehtoisia.

Tämä paikka saa minut niin hyvälle tuulelle tunnelmallaan! Olen tutustunut täällä opiskellessani enemmän ihmisiin kuin koko luennoilla istumisaikanani. Miksen tullut tänne aiemmin!!

Fahrenheit 451, Via Niccolò Tommaseo 96a, 35131 Padova (PD)

Dear flatmates,

I've noticed here while staying at the new house that somehow it is really hard for me to adjust to people here. I mean generally in the house. I've given it a lot of thought and tried to figure out what can be done.

At this moment, I really miss the arrangement in Finland. The appartments I've been living (and asked for) are for only two. That means 80% less of people to arrange things with. How to organize cleaning and buying things together. There's always someone who's not happy or who doesn't understand how things actually go. I can blame all my flatmates for not doing things right from the very beginning, but the plain fact is that... I'm not a saint either.

In my ex-house I really got on well with Giada and Marica in the end. They were somewhat like sisters to me. We never really went to a really personal level on things we talked about, but I always knew they'd be there if I needed support. In this new house, I have similar kind of feeling with Giulia. I haven't talked to her half as much just because she's never around. There's weeks when I don't see none of them once, even if they do sleep at home every night. They are gonne in the morning when I wake up and/or already sleep when I come home. Or the other way around (this is much more seldom).

I sure feel much more comfortable in this house and I defenitely do not regret moving here. I like already only the idea of a single room. I don't know if that's cultural or what, but I feel ackward withdrawing from them when they are eating together in the livingroom. When I first came here, I thought the strange tension between was just because of the language (and I still do believe that) and simply the unresolved issues I had with the last house. Just getting used to living in another place took me months. Now I'm living here for the 3rd month and I stll don't somehow have anything to talk about with the other two flatmates around (Camilla and Alessandra). Francesco, who is one of the sweetest guys I've met here, is never around. The time I've been here, he has slept in his room for maybe 4 nights. The rest of the time he is at his girlfriend's house.

Few days ago Camilla asked me (talking very slowly italian) with what do I wash my clothes with as there is no washing liquid left. Apparently I had used whithener or something like that.. I have really little idea. I was grinning at the episode and thinking it was quite funny. I didn't even think it was so important - and then the two girls continued their talk in italian thinking what I had used. Saying nothing to me anymore.

Every time something like this happens, I add up things to the list of why I really don't feel like talking to some people. I don't see the point. It is not like talking italian is easy for me anyways... it's not easy when certain people are around. And don't let me even get started on how difficult joking is with the language. Then they just stare at me when the joke is obvious. It gets me frustrated..

I cannot wait to get to the student appartment arrangements in Finland. HOPING that this luck will not continue and I will actually be blessed with a bearable flatmate. Please.

Censored version of Croatia,

Pictures for you my loves. I made a stripped version just to have the privacy zone for some people. To explain.. there were some pro-nudist people in our group.

Croatia (Katso merta!)

The trip, if possible, is renewed in the end of this month. Gorgeous country, here I come again!

Poropizza,

Pizza alla renna, Berlusconi "testimonial"
Juttu tärkeimmässä italialaisessa lehdessä (italiaksi toki).
A story in the most important italian magazine (in italian of course).

"Suomalainen verikosto"
Iltalehden juttu Corrieren jutusta (eli suomennoskonetta ei välttämättä tarvita).
The finnish version on the piece in Corriere.

Google Translator
Myös italiasta suomeksi löydettävissä (ei voi taata luettavuutta).
Also italian to finnish available (readableness not guaranteed).

Ciao cari,

I'm ok.. still alive. A lot has happened again. I went to Croatia, because feverishly sick and then Suvi came here for awesome 4 days. I have a lot of pictures to show and... most of all, I'm happy.

Sometimes changing the environment is a good idea. Padova is probably at the moment the most brightest on this time I've spent here. I love being here and if someone would as me now, I would say I wouldn't want to leave but I want to go home. It's a strange feeling and like I said to Matthew some time ago... it would've been easier to keep on disliking Padova. But as I'm also very addicted to euphoria, this is a better choice.

Now I'm studying. I have probably just two exams to do and I'm completely screwed anyways. One professor hasn't answered to my e-mails anything. I've been trying to send me few and no answer. On his personal professor-page it says that meetings can be arranged via e-mail. Well what to do? One exam I'm studying for all the time and another one... well I'll be horrible in it but I'll go and try anyways. Maybe I'll get pity points :)

Yesterday Giulia and her boyfriend were at the house. Reetta and I made pasta and some tomatosauce which succeeded to look like vomit. But it was good vomit :P Giulia was cute. She was her chipper self and apparently they had drank something. Then I were talking about.. she leaned more close and whispered: "Well actually I'm happy because Ale (boyfriend) is here." I keep wondering how will they do when she goes to Spain for a year. For me everyone keeps telling "yes but you are going away... just have fun." I remember few years back when everyone kept telling that distance is no deal. There's the internet and everything and there's many people doing it. I guess it was the first honey-moon stage of internet dating... then they realized that having someone in the same room is defenitely not the same as having it on the otherside of a wire... kilometres away.

Today I talked to Fabian about leaving. The most strange thing is probably that you are used to the surroundings around you and the people that you don't actually talk to so much, but they are in the same circles... when you get back, they might not be there. Like now... I'm not going back to Laurea. I'm going to Metropolia. And coming back here will most definitely not be the same. Erasmus people leave, people move and the most important of all, I won't live here anymore. I won't bike along these streets like I'm biking them now.

I'm happy. I'm euphoric and I'm something I haven't been for all this time of my being here. I'm happy.

Even when change is sometimes not easy and even when you are happy somewhere, changing at the moment of the complete happiness might guarantee the continuing happiness. Not everything is suppose to continue.

Euphoria keeps people young. "Euphoria and craziness", like someone just told me.